Childcare and my son

It has been decided that I am going to stop doing childcare. With Jim's upcoming deployment we just thought it is better for us to spend as much time as we can together and with childcare that is tough. We don't have the availabilty to just go and do what ever when we want. So, in a couple weeks I will be done. I have also realized something about myself. I love kids but don't think childcare is for me. I was feeling like I maybe didn't like kids as much as I always thought. But I have realized it is okay to like other kids but not want them in my home everyday. With that said I told Brayden today that Aubrey wasn't going to be coming much anymore. (I have told them I would be there back up) He was really sad. Now I knew he enjoyed having her but I didn't realize how much. So, tonight he had gone to bed and I went in to talk to him and he asked again why she was going to be going to someone elses house. I came up with a different way to explain it and I said well you know daddy has to go on a really long army trip? Yes. Well, we want to be able to spend as much time with daddy as we can before his trip and if Aubrey is here we can't go to the beach and Sunriver and all that. So, Aubrey will still come sometimes and we can meet her at the Library for storytime. And she will still be our friend and we will still pray for Aubrey. And he was okay with that answer. Then he says, Aubrey needs to ask Jesus into her heart. Then she can be in Heaven with us. I was so happy. I am so glad that he cares. I have really been praying for that. But, also talking about it with him. I know they are also talking about sharing your faith in Sunday school and it just makes me so happy that he is listening. He also said he is excited to get to Heaven when he gets older and he wants to give Jesus a big hug, cause Jesus gives the best hugs. Oh my heart is so happy right now.

Sleeping

Okay so from the start my kids don't sleep long periods of time at night. People would tell me how there kids would sleep through the night at 2 months and what not but not mine. Now I know part of that is my fault. I couldn't just let them cry. In my mind if my child is crying they need me. I also nurse and felt like if they were hungry then I would feed them. Brayden now is a great sleeper and only occasionally wakes at night and usually it is because of a bad dream of needing to go to the bathroom. Riley is almost 11 months and was still nursing several times a night. I was starting to get nervous because I am looking towards weaning her and didn't know how that would go. She does fine without nursing before nap during the day and what not. Well, last night she only woke up 2 times and only nursed once. She is doing great tonight as well. I think another thing I am doing is not jumping as fast. I hear her moaning and moving around in there and I used to jump up and get her and feed her right away and then I knew we would all sleep again. I am letting her moan for at least 5 or 10 min. and then go in if she is actually crying. Well, it seems to be working. So, now to all of you who are saying wow just let them cry it out. I can't. I just can't. And for those of you who have looked at the posting time for this and said if your kids are sleeping why are you up? I am on my way. I just was listening to my precious little one moan and thought I should post this now. Otherwise it becomes like so many other posts and just stays in my head.

Updates

So, nothing major has been going on. Except that my little girl is growing up so fast. She will be 11 months on Sunday and she loves to babble and she is walking and she is so proud of herself at being able to climb into her rocking chair and rock. Brayden has decided he wants to go to Preschool. I wasn't going to push him into it but, he brought it up. So, we are going to go and take a look at the Church down the hill. It is hard for me. What a crazy year that will be. My husband heads of on a deployment again, my little boy goes to preschool and my baby girl is going to be one. Why does time have to go so fast?
Here are some pictures of my sweethearts.

A GREAT DAY

So, today was a great day. The kids and I went to church. Jim has a cold and had an open house this afternoon so he stayed home to rest. And on the way home from church Brayden and I were talking and I was asking him about what he learnt about in Sunday school and he was telling me about Jesus in the boat and how he calmed the storm. Then he again asked about where Jesus lives. We talk about Jesus a lot. He wants to know why he died on the cross why the mean people did that to him, why he was raised from the dead and if he takes a toy from Riley is that a sin all those things. So, I explained that Jesus is everywhere but that he will live in our hearts if we ask him to and the next thing out of his mouth was Jesus please come and live in my heart. I teared up and told him how happy Jesus was that he made that decision and that mommy was happy and we have made a big deal about it with telling family so he feels like it was a good thing as well. I am so happy for him and the biggest parenting prayer I have had has been answered for my first child.
I just feel so full of love right now it is awesome.

Long time no post

These are pictures of our Christmas road trip to Canada. The kids did so great. The trip up there was 19 hours and we just couldn't have asked for it to go any better.
Our first stop was at my dad's parents house and we were there for 3 days. Brayden had a lot of fun on the 4 wheeler with Grandpa. There was snow so that was great and grandpa likes to pop wheelys. So, that was a highlight.
Then we headed farther north to my moms parents place. That is what I call home. Only home is different now. Grandma and Grandpa have moved out of the big farm house and into the trailer/condo in town. And Uncle Bryan has moved into the big house. So, my family slept in the trailer as to not wake people in the big house early and that way people could be as loud and all that and we didn't have to worry about waking the kids. The kids loved it there as well. They had so many new people to see. Which made Riley a little clingy. But they loved there Nanny and Poppa and of course being the only great grandkids as of right now they were totally spoiled.
We went to the REALLY BIG MALL as Brayden calls it and he absoultly loved watching the sea lion show and riding on some bumper cars. Jim and I again realized that we like small towns and the country better than big city life. It was so nice to get back to the farm and enjoy the fresh air and space. I could so handle living in the country.
We had a wonderful trip and made it home safe and sound. The trip home was a lot longer but other than the flat tire and screaming kids from Gresham on (only about an hour from home) nothing major happened. I do have to say, there is no place like home.

It is done and what would you do?

Well, today was a sad and yet weird feeling day at our house. We found a new home for Charlie. Believe it or not is was bittersweet. I cried and felt horrible. But, kept reminding myself that it is best for him. He will be living around the corner from his brother and get to see him daily as well as run on a 50 acre farm daily. He will get to be in the house and sleep in the house. So, he will be so happy. I just keep reminding myself of all the fun he will have vs. sitting by himself all day. It is good. Sad but good.
Also, I helped out in Brayden's Sunday school class today and a young girl is his teacher. (young because she is younger than me) And she doesn't do anything. She teaches but other wise she sits there and gets ready for next week. Her helper also just sat. I played with the kids and I know the lady I was filling in for does. She also was wearing an incredibly low cut shirt. And as a mom of a little boy I am even more sensitive of that. ALso, Riley was in a new class today and didn't get a diaper change while there. 3 hours approx. And when I changed her when we got home she was poopy. Now she could have just done it, but still. So, the question is do I say anything or just let it go?

Technology and Change

Why do we have to have change? I know it is good for us and it helps us grow but it is so hard. I think lately I have started dreading change even more. I have kept Riley in the same Sunday school class I think a month longer than she should be just because I adore the teacher. She is wonderful and has become a friend. I just want my kids and family to stay the same forever. I love technology but again it is constantly changing. As great as cell phones and computers and all that are it is hard watching the pain it brings some people. I am also watching my youngest siblings fight over who gets the cell phone more. Gone are the days where friends called you on the phone now it is all about texting. How sad. I wonder how many of my kids friends will even know what a home phone is. We still have one. Somedays it just makes me long for the days when friends called you on the phone or came over. Well, I guess I will continue doing what I always do, go with it. Can't change it but I have to move with it. There are somethings that I won't change and that is talking on my cell phone while paying or trying to talk to another person.

Change,Halloween and life

Halloween was fun. I took the kids to the church for the Family fun night. Brayden had fun and of course Riley had fun. She just smiles all the time. We went with a friend and her two kids. Jim is gone again and her husband is a firefighter and had to work. It was a good time. Brayden of course thought that the candy was cool. I have been surprised though, he has already forgotten about it.
When Jim is gone Sundays are hardest for me. I don't know why. The first couple weeks are fine and then it just gets old and I want him home. I have been realizing that my life is fairly routine. I like it that way. I am not one that enjoys change. I am realizing that more and more about myself. I love my life and would only change that my husband not have to go away next year. But, what can we do.
I am extremely happy about next week. My grandparents are coming. I am so excited for them to meet our little girl and Brayden can't wait to see his nanny and pappa.
Oh and Riley got 2 teeth. We are starting to sleep better so that is great.

Feeling like a terrible mom

So, Brayden is an active little boy and I love that about him. However, he is also all boy. Again I love that about him. I just have been feeling like everything with him is a battle. No you can't climb on the back of the couch. No don't do that. Be nice to your sister. I just don't like feeling like everything is NO. And Riley is sick and so I feel like I am giving him even less attention. And Jim is gone and I don't feel like he is getting that daddy time. So, today when the dog threw up in the van on the way home from my parents I think I made the decision. He has to go. Again the dog isn't bad. (yes he doesn't obey) I just don't have the time or patience or extra energy to deal with the dog and training and all that. I love my mornings when it is just the kids and I and then I go oh wait I have to put the dog out. And the dog doesn't cooperate. And I am just not good at ignoring the dog and yet he isn't getting the training or attention he deserves. Yes, he is cute and sweet. But he is also hyper and draining. (at least to me) So, with all the pro/con things done and my heart and mind feeling good about my decision. Why do I feel like it is just one thing on the you are a terrible mom chart?

Children's books

First I have to start off by saying that Amanda whom I read her blog and she reads mine. We don't know each other or anything but have gotten to know each other through blogging. Well she blogged the other day about do we always have to have a title. Well, Amanda I am with you. That is the hardest part for me.
So, on to Children's books. I think I have a fettish. I love children's books. I enjoy reading but don't always have the time so I try to limit myself to just reading Karen Kingsbury and a few Amish books. But, I still get onto the Christian supply or Christianbook websites and look around and wow. There are just so many great books I want to read to my kids. Okay sometimes if we haven't had time that day and the books are new I read them while they are napping. I just pray that my kids continue to love books and that I can keep buying them.

Death

Being a Christian I don't fear death. I don't really want it to happen now, unless my husband and kids can come to. I know I am going to Heaven. So, when I found out than my Great Grandma died last week I wasn't sad. I feel a little bad, but when you think about it what is there to be sad about. First she loved Jesus. So, she is in heaven with him. My Great Grandpa died years ago so she gets to be with him to. I also think of the great life she had. She had turned 100 on Jan 1. She had been married to grandpa for 70 years. She had 70 some great grandkids and at least 20 great great grandkids. In recent years her sight had been fadding (huh 100 years) and she was losing her memory and ability to walk. So, I just can't feel anything except YEAH! God is definatley saying well done good and faithful servant well done.
It also makes me look at the grandparents we still have living and at my kids grandparents and again I am so grateful for such a wonderful Christian legacy that I have been given and that I can leave for my children.
Thank you Lord for the wonderful family you have given me.

Very Tired

So today the weather felt so fall like. It was overcast and just a cozy day. Brayden, Riley and Aubrey all were more tired today. And Riley was really tired during dinner.

Potty Training and Little girls

So I have never potty trained before and I have heard little boys are hard but oh my. We have had it easy. We are on day three with no accidents and no wetting at bed or nap. I am so proud of my little boy and it is so nice not having to change big kid diapers. He even is doing great with pooping. So praise the lord. I know and am expecting accidents at some point but so far we have done several shopping trips with him telling us when he has to go and we even did Sunday school today and had no problems. So, hopefully all stays well.
Okay now I think I secretly always wanted a little girl. I am thrilled to death with my little boy and would have been thrilled to death with another one. But, oh my. My little girl. I am having so much fun. I am kind of old fashioned about things and I get excited about the thought of her enjoying playing house and reading little house on the praire with her and just fun things like that. When we found out we were having a girl I was irritated with all the "oh how fun, girls are so much more fun to dress than boys" I see what people mean. I am loving the dress buying. But, I have always been more excited about the relationship we would have. My mom and I are best friends and I so desire to have that with Riley. It is also so fun to watch her and Brayden interact. So, if you ever see a good deal on little dresses please let me know. I am all about the dresses.

Potty Training and Weekend get away

The Beautiful Scenery. Black Butte Oregon

Our little cowboy

So we had a wonderful weekend get away with some friends this weekend. They rented a house in Black butte and another couple and us went. So, six adults and 6 kids spent the weekend together. It was a fun weekend and we are all still friends.
Then we came home and got to see my family who had been away. My mom for 2 weeks and my dad, sis and bro for 1 week. I am incredibly close to my family as they are the ones that are always here when Jim is away. It is actually sad that it was weird and hard not having my mom and I am just so used to my husband being gone. Oh well it is just that way for now. Some day he will be home all the time. And for now he is home more than he used to be.
So Monday and Tuesday were busy crazy days and so today was our Potty Party day. We just used that as our starting day. He peeed three times on the potty and got treats and what not. I think he is starting to get it. He was just semi asleep and called out that he had to pee on the toilet. (the way he says it is so cute) There was lots of dancing and singing and praising (oh and some candy as well) But wow it is hard work. You have to drop whatever to run. Even if you know they don't really have to go. Just to keep them excited. I think he is getting the concept though or at least starting to know when he has the feeling. Hopefully. I know it may take awhile but we have dived in now. So pray that all continues going well.

Life's goings on

So, life has been busy lately. Just with day to day things and my parents are gone and we were sick. Last week was crazy. First we had a wonderful Saturday. Jim left early for a bible study and on his way home he stopped at several garage sales to look for a larger dog kennel. No luck but he did find a lawn mower. We were in desperate need and couldn't really afford a new one at this time. So, for $25 he got us a new to us one. It is wonderful. Thank you thrifty husband. Now we don't look like we live in the jungle.
The dog is okay. I am still having my moments but now am really thinking about how we are going to do the winter. As long as I can put him out and he can stay out most of the day things are okay. But, when the rains come (as they are doing now) I feel bad leaving him outside. But, I don't want him in the house all the time either. I am not a fan of having my house smell like dog. Especially wet dog. He also can't be in the house all the time because he likes to be right where Riley is and I don't want her to get sat on, walked on or chewed on. The garage is an out there option. I don't like the idea because that is where I park and I don't want my new van all scratched up and I don't want anything else in the garage chewed or scratched up. I realized the other day that if my parents said it was okay to get rid of the dog I would be sad but probably would. Simply because they got him for Brayden and I don't feel right giving him to someone else without there permission. Is that crazy? So many moms in my position have said they wouldn't do it either. (have a puppy at this stage) My friend got rid of there cats cause it was to much and they just didn't tell there daughter and she said it was days before she realized they were even gone. I think Brayden would know he was gone but I think he would be fine with it. If we just didn't say anything but explained that he had to go to a home that had more room for him. I just don't like feeling like a bad person because I can't handle it. But, I am the sole provider for him. My husband is gone so much and his main job with it is to put him in at night. I do everything else. Brayden will occaisonally want to feed him but other than the odd time they are both outside playing nicely they don't do a whole lot together. I just don't want Brayden to ever feel like Mommy took away his puppy. But this dog is going to be huge. Oh I don't know what to do. I think a small dog would be easier but if we get rid of this dog we aren't getting any sort of pet for a long time. I would like a cat someday but again not until my kids are a lot older.
Well, this week I start watching a little girl 3 days a week. It will help out financially and I think it will be a good fit for us. She is a 15 month old and her parents are great. This is her first time in day care so that will be good.
I can't wait till my parents get home. I miss my mom so much. I didn't know how much I talked to her until she has been gone for 2 weeks and I have to call long distance to talk to her. Brayden keeps wanting to go to see nanna. He is still having fun going over to help me water, even though we haven't had to do that to much with the rain the last couple of days.
Well, I am starting to ramble.

A big day

Well today has been a big day. Today was Riley's 5 month birthday. She is growing so fast and it is hard to believe that she is 5 months already. She is waking up a lot the last few nights so I am tired. She isn't eating anymore than normal just fussing. So, I think her teeth are going to be poking through soon. We also took my mom to the airport this morning. That was a fun trip. Weird though. It is strange that I am used to my husband being gone and it is so much stranger having my mom gone. She is visiting my grandparents and will hopefully get some relaxing time to herself as well.
Then during nap time Riley rolled over from her back to front for the first time. She has been working on it so hard. Mom, you were right she would do it when you were away. She only did it once though.
After nap we played and went for a walk. Brayden didn't want Charlie (the dog) to come but I said he had to, not quite sure why I would think he needed to come it was so much harder. Then off to Grandma Harris' birthday party. It was a nice time. Although, my emotions get tugged at because my son it the oldest boy there with older girls and was told again that he couldn't play and came in crying. Only this time I went to my mother-in-law and told her and she handled it right away and so hopefully the little girl who starts this will learn that it isn't an option. Her mother doesn't tell her it is wrong to treat people that way or anything. All in all though it was a nice time.
Then we came home. Now, I must remind you that I am tired and I already have had a rough week with this dog. But, I feel bad for the little guy being outside all the time and what not. So, I let him in and he is jumping all over me and biting and just being a pill. And I am trying to find his food dish so that I can feed him and be kind. Well, I end up getting frustrated and just putting him back outside. Then Jim arrives home and I am not myself and haven't been since the dog came. He said I don't smile when he comes home and I am just not as happy. He thinks it has been ever since the dog. So, we have to make a decision. I am in tears about this. Because ideally we wouldn't have the dog. No more poop, no more biting, no more feeling guilty all the time for not spending time with him. Then I wouldn't have to worry about food and the vet and tags and all that. But, then my heart breaks because I think of the fun times when he isn't jumping up on Rileys toy to lick her face and dragging her toys around and I remember when I hear Brayden talking outside and he is chatting with Charlie. I just don't think this was the best time for a non dog lover to get a dog. But, again it was Brayden's birthday present and how can I be the cause of him not having him anymore. I just don't know what to do.
Well, the first thing I can,will and should do is go to sleep.

How I want to be viewed

So, I was driving along today and I saw a girl walking on the sidewalk. I thought wow. She looks like a nice sensible, smart, friendly person. Which got me to thinking. When people see me what do they think? Here is how I hope they see me.
Friendly, genuine, kind, sensible, a mom who loves her kids but isn't about to let them walk all over her. Sincere, modest, a true friend. Would be there to help you if you needed them. A person who when asked to pray or says she will pray for you will genuinely do that. An example of Christ. Low maintence. Dedicated to my family and passionate in my love for them.
I guess not all of these things would be found just by looking at me but I hope those of you who read this and know me see these qualities. If not I will work on it.

8 Random facts about me

According to the tag rules I have to post these steps so you'll know what to do if i tag you. so here goes:

Tag rules:


You have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
people who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get taggedand list their names. don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they are tagged, and to read your blog. ( I am putting people I know read my blog but don't have one of there own. So,if you don't have a blog you have to email me.

1. Ever since I was pregnant with Riley I have become obsessed with Chocolate milkshakes.
2. I love my down time.
3. Enjoy people but not constantly
4. I am a total morning person
5. I love time with my husband and kids more than anything
6. I have been married almost 8 years
7. I would be a surragate mom if Jim would let me.
8. I am a Canadian Citizen.

Okay here you go.
1. MOM
2. Carrie
3. Kimberly
4. Dyanne
5. Heidi
6. Sharlean
7. Connie
8. Tanya

Technology

Okay so I love technology. I love my electricity, washer and dryer, dishwasher, computer. I do my banking online and am on my computer a lot. I like that I can talk to my friends and family that are far away without having to wait for letters. But, there is something to be said about having a day away where you can't use the phone. My husband is a very busy man. His cell is attached to his ear. At least some days it feels like that. Between crazy army stuff he has to deal with to Real Estate. I try not to complain cause I know that if he can't take his calls we don't make money. But, wow. Yesterday we went to Silver Creek Falls for the afternoon and lost cell coverage. (YEAH) We had his attention for the afternoon. Now mind you there were other people there as it was a work picnic, but how fabulous to not have phones ring. I mentioned to my niece (she's 6) how nice it was that phones don't work up here. She said yes especially when you do real estate. Your phone rings all the time. I thought. You know girl you and I are in the same boat. So, I have decided that we should get away more often and not just anywhere but to the mountains or just anywhere phones don't work.
Brayden loved the water fountains (waterfalls) We plan to go back and hike more. Nothing better to wear out an active 3 year old.

Nothing Much

So, life has been pretty normal. We have been enjoying outside. We are fortunate to be having a mild summer. Something I love. (I am not a really hot weather person) Saying that it won't surprise you all that I am looking forward to fall. It will be fun to make soup and hot choc. and all the fun things that come with fall.
Charlie (the dog) is doing well. I had a rough day on Sunday with him. I am just a very sensitive mom. When my child is sad because of something someone or something did I hurt for him. So, we had gotten home from church and Brayden went outside and Charlie had chewed up his bug catcher and it broke Brayden's heart. Then he (the dog) jumped on a neighbor girl and scratched her leg. I am just having a hard time with training. When am I supposed to do that. But, he is cute and I know he will become a good dog as he gets older.
Brayden got to collect eggs from a chicken with my mom yesterday. She also took him to McDonalds (I think it was his 2nd time) So, today was incredibly cute when I went with him to feed the chickens and check for eggs. He just marched in there and shoo,shooed the chickens and when to check out the coop. And sure enough there was an egg. It was just so cute and he even reminded me to shut the gate.
So, other than the fact that I am going to be doing a little childcare to help out with money. things are the same.
Good Night. I am tired.