Feeling like a terrible mom

So, Brayden is an active little boy and I love that about him. However, he is also all boy. Again I love that about him. I just have been feeling like everything with him is a battle. No you can't climb on the back of the couch. No don't do that. Be nice to your sister. I just don't like feeling like everything is NO. And Riley is sick and so I feel like I am giving him even less attention. And Jim is gone and I don't feel like he is getting that daddy time. So, today when the dog threw up in the van on the way home from my parents I think I made the decision. He has to go. Again the dog isn't bad. (yes he doesn't obey) I just don't have the time or patience or extra energy to deal with the dog and training and all that. I love my mornings when it is just the kids and I and then I go oh wait I have to put the dog out. And the dog doesn't cooperate. And I am just not good at ignoring the dog and yet he isn't getting the training or attention he deserves. Yes, he is cute and sweet. But he is also hyper and draining. (at least to me) So, with all the pro/con things done and my heart and mind feeling good about my decision. Why do I feel like it is just one thing on the you are a terrible mom chart?

Children's books

First I have to start off by saying that Amanda whom I read her blog and she reads mine. We don't know each other or anything but have gotten to know each other through blogging. Well she blogged the other day about do we always have to have a title. Well, Amanda I am with you. That is the hardest part for me.
So, on to Children's books. I think I have a fettish. I love children's books. I enjoy reading but don't always have the time so I try to limit myself to just reading Karen Kingsbury and a few Amish books. But, I still get onto the Christian supply or Christianbook websites and look around and wow. There are just so many great books I want to read to my kids. Okay sometimes if we haven't had time that day and the books are new I read them while they are napping. I just pray that my kids continue to love books and that I can keep buying them.

Death

Being a Christian I don't fear death. I don't really want it to happen now, unless my husband and kids can come to. I know I am going to Heaven. So, when I found out than my Great Grandma died last week I wasn't sad. I feel a little bad, but when you think about it what is there to be sad about. First she loved Jesus. So, she is in heaven with him. My Great Grandpa died years ago so she gets to be with him to. I also think of the great life she had. She had turned 100 on Jan 1. She had been married to grandpa for 70 years. She had 70 some great grandkids and at least 20 great great grandkids. In recent years her sight had been fadding (huh 100 years) and she was losing her memory and ability to walk. So, I just can't feel anything except YEAH! God is definatley saying well done good and faithful servant well done.
It also makes me look at the grandparents we still have living and at my kids grandparents and again I am so grateful for such a wonderful Christian legacy that I have been given and that I can leave for my children.
Thank you Lord for the wonderful family you have given me.

Very Tired

So today the weather felt so fall like. It was overcast and just a cozy day. Brayden, Riley and Aubrey all were more tired today. And Riley was really tired during dinner.

Potty Training and Little girls

So I have never potty trained before and I have heard little boys are hard but oh my. We have had it easy. We are on day three with no accidents and no wetting at bed or nap. I am so proud of my little boy and it is so nice not having to change big kid diapers. He even is doing great with pooping. So praise the lord. I know and am expecting accidents at some point but so far we have done several shopping trips with him telling us when he has to go and we even did Sunday school today and had no problems. So, hopefully all stays well.
Okay now I think I secretly always wanted a little girl. I am thrilled to death with my little boy and would have been thrilled to death with another one. But, oh my. My little girl. I am having so much fun. I am kind of old fashioned about things and I get excited about the thought of her enjoying playing house and reading little house on the praire with her and just fun things like that. When we found out we were having a girl I was irritated with all the "oh how fun, girls are so much more fun to dress than boys" I see what people mean. I am loving the dress buying. But, I have always been more excited about the relationship we would have. My mom and I are best friends and I so desire to have that with Riley. It is also so fun to watch her and Brayden interact. So, if you ever see a good deal on little dresses please let me know. I am all about the dresses.

Potty Training and Weekend get away

The Beautiful Scenery. Black Butte Oregon

Our little cowboy

So we had a wonderful weekend get away with some friends this weekend. They rented a house in Black butte and another couple and us went. So, six adults and 6 kids spent the weekend together. It was a fun weekend and we are all still friends.
Then we came home and got to see my family who had been away. My mom for 2 weeks and my dad, sis and bro for 1 week. I am incredibly close to my family as they are the ones that are always here when Jim is away. It is actually sad that it was weird and hard not having my mom and I am just so used to my husband being gone. Oh well it is just that way for now. Some day he will be home all the time. And for now he is home more than he used to be.
So Monday and Tuesday were busy crazy days and so today was our Potty Party day. We just used that as our starting day. He peeed three times on the potty and got treats and what not. I think he is starting to get it. He was just semi asleep and called out that he had to pee on the toilet. (the way he says it is so cute) There was lots of dancing and singing and praising (oh and some candy as well) But wow it is hard work. You have to drop whatever to run. Even if you know they don't really have to go. Just to keep them excited. I think he is getting the concept though or at least starting to know when he has the feeling. Hopefully. I know it may take awhile but we have dived in now. So pray that all continues going well.

Life's goings on

So, life has been busy lately. Just with day to day things and my parents are gone and we were sick. Last week was crazy. First we had a wonderful Saturday. Jim left early for a bible study and on his way home he stopped at several garage sales to look for a larger dog kennel. No luck but he did find a lawn mower. We were in desperate need and couldn't really afford a new one at this time. So, for $25 he got us a new to us one. It is wonderful. Thank you thrifty husband. Now we don't look like we live in the jungle.
The dog is okay. I am still having my moments but now am really thinking about how we are going to do the winter. As long as I can put him out and he can stay out most of the day things are okay. But, when the rains come (as they are doing now) I feel bad leaving him outside. But, I don't want him in the house all the time either. I am not a fan of having my house smell like dog. Especially wet dog. He also can't be in the house all the time because he likes to be right where Riley is and I don't want her to get sat on, walked on or chewed on. The garage is an out there option. I don't like the idea because that is where I park and I don't want my new van all scratched up and I don't want anything else in the garage chewed or scratched up. I realized the other day that if my parents said it was okay to get rid of the dog I would be sad but probably would. Simply because they got him for Brayden and I don't feel right giving him to someone else without there permission. Is that crazy? So many moms in my position have said they wouldn't do it either. (have a puppy at this stage) My friend got rid of there cats cause it was to much and they just didn't tell there daughter and she said it was days before she realized they were even gone. I think Brayden would know he was gone but I think he would be fine with it. If we just didn't say anything but explained that he had to go to a home that had more room for him. I just don't like feeling like a bad person because I can't handle it. But, I am the sole provider for him. My husband is gone so much and his main job with it is to put him in at night. I do everything else. Brayden will occaisonally want to feed him but other than the odd time they are both outside playing nicely they don't do a whole lot together. I just don't want Brayden to ever feel like Mommy took away his puppy. But this dog is going to be huge. Oh I don't know what to do. I think a small dog would be easier but if we get rid of this dog we aren't getting any sort of pet for a long time. I would like a cat someday but again not until my kids are a lot older.
Well, this week I start watching a little girl 3 days a week. It will help out financially and I think it will be a good fit for us. She is a 15 month old and her parents are great. This is her first time in day care so that will be good.
I can't wait till my parents get home. I miss my mom so much. I didn't know how much I talked to her until she has been gone for 2 weeks and I have to call long distance to talk to her. Brayden keeps wanting to go to see nanna. He is still having fun going over to help me water, even though we haven't had to do that to much with the rain the last couple of days.
Well, I am starting to ramble.

A big day

Well today has been a big day. Today was Riley's 5 month birthday. She is growing so fast and it is hard to believe that she is 5 months already. She is waking up a lot the last few nights so I am tired. She isn't eating anymore than normal just fussing. So, I think her teeth are going to be poking through soon. We also took my mom to the airport this morning. That was a fun trip. Weird though. It is strange that I am used to my husband being gone and it is so much stranger having my mom gone. She is visiting my grandparents and will hopefully get some relaxing time to herself as well.
Then during nap time Riley rolled over from her back to front for the first time. She has been working on it so hard. Mom, you were right she would do it when you were away. She only did it once though.
After nap we played and went for a walk. Brayden didn't want Charlie (the dog) to come but I said he had to, not quite sure why I would think he needed to come it was so much harder. Then off to Grandma Harris' birthday party. It was a nice time. Although, my emotions get tugged at because my son it the oldest boy there with older girls and was told again that he couldn't play and came in crying. Only this time I went to my mother-in-law and told her and she handled it right away and so hopefully the little girl who starts this will learn that it isn't an option. Her mother doesn't tell her it is wrong to treat people that way or anything. All in all though it was a nice time.
Then we came home. Now, I must remind you that I am tired and I already have had a rough week with this dog. But, I feel bad for the little guy being outside all the time and what not. So, I let him in and he is jumping all over me and biting and just being a pill. And I am trying to find his food dish so that I can feed him and be kind. Well, I end up getting frustrated and just putting him back outside. Then Jim arrives home and I am not myself and haven't been since the dog came. He said I don't smile when he comes home and I am just not as happy. He thinks it has been ever since the dog. So, we have to make a decision. I am in tears about this. Because ideally we wouldn't have the dog. No more poop, no more biting, no more feeling guilty all the time for not spending time with him. Then I wouldn't have to worry about food and the vet and tags and all that. But, then my heart breaks because I think of the fun times when he isn't jumping up on Rileys toy to lick her face and dragging her toys around and I remember when I hear Brayden talking outside and he is chatting with Charlie. I just don't think this was the best time for a non dog lover to get a dog. But, again it was Brayden's birthday present and how can I be the cause of him not having him anymore. I just don't know what to do.
Well, the first thing I can,will and should do is go to sleep.

How I want to be viewed

So, I was driving along today and I saw a girl walking on the sidewalk. I thought wow. She looks like a nice sensible, smart, friendly person. Which got me to thinking. When people see me what do they think? Here is how I hope they see me.
Friendly, genuine, kind, sensible, a mom who loves her kids but isn't about to let them walk all over her. Sincere, modest, a true friend. Would be there to help you if you needed them. A person who when asked to pray or says she will pray for you will genuinely do that. An example of Christ. Low maintence. Dedicated to my family and passionate in my love for them.
I guess not all of these things would be found just by looking at me but I hope those of you who read this and know me see these qualities. If not I will work on it.

8 Random facts about me

According to the tag rules I have to post these steps so you'll know what to do if i tag you. so here goes:

Tag rules:


You have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
people who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get taggedand list their names. don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they are tagged, and to read your blog. ( I am putting people I know read my blog but don't have one of there own. So,if you don't have a blog you have to email me.

1. Ever since I was pregnant with Riley I have become obsessed with Chocolate milkshakes.
2. I love my down time.
3. Enjoy people but not constantly
4. I am a total morning person
5. I love time with my husband and kids more than anything
6. I have been married almost 8 years
7. I would be a surragate mom if Jim would let me.
8. I am a Canadian Citizen.

Okay here you go.
1. MOM
2. Carrie
3. Kimberly
4. Dyanne
5. Heidi
6. Sharlean
7. Connie
8. Tanya

Technology

Okay so I love technology. I love my electricity, washer and dryer, dishwasher, computer. I do my banking online and am on my computer a lot. I like that I can talk to my friends and family that are far away without having to wait for letters. But, there is something to be said about having a day away where you can't use the phone. My husband is a very busy man. His cell is attached to his ear. At least some days it feels like that. Between crazy army stuff he has to deal with to Real Estate. I try not to complain cause I know that if he can't take his calls we don't make money. But, wow. Yesterday we went to Silver Creek Falls for the afternoon and lost cell coverage. (YEAH) We had his attention for the afternoon. Now mind you there were other people there as it was a work picnic, but how fabulous to not have phones ring. I mentioned to my niece (she's 6) how nice it was that phones don't work up here. She said yes especially when you do real estate. Your phone rings all the time. I thought. You know girl you and I are in the same boat. So, I have decided that we should get away more often and not just anywhere but to the mountains or just anywhere phones don't work.
Brayden loved the water fountains (waterfalls) We plan to go back and hike more. Nothing better to wear out an active 3 year old.

Nothing Much

So, life has been pretty normal. We have been enjoying outside. We are fortunate to be having a mild summer. Something I love. (I am not a really hot weather person) Saying that it won't surprise you all that I am looking forward to fall. It will be fun to make soup and hot choc. and all the fun things that come with fall.
Charlie (the dog) is doing well. I had a rough day on Sunday with him. I am just a very sensitive mom. When my child is sad because of something someone or something did I hurt for him. So, we had gotten home from church and Brayden went outside and Charlie had chewed up his bug catcher and it broke Brayden's heart. Then he (the dog) jumped on a neighbor girl and scratched her leg. I am just having a hard time with training. When am I supposed to do that. But, he is cute and I know he will become a good dog as he gets older.
Brayden got to collect eggs from a chicken with my mom yesterday. She also took him to McDonalds (I think it was his 2nd time) So, today was incredibly cute when I went with him to feed the chickens and check for eggs. He just marched in there and shoo,shooed the chickens and when to check out the coop. And sure enough there was an egg. It was just so cute and he even reminded me to shut the gate.
So, other than the fact that I am going to be doing a little childcare to help out with money. things are the same.
Good Night. I am tired.

Modesty

Whatever happened to girls not wanting to show everything to everyone. Where it was good to keep things between a husband and a wife. What ever happened to girls respecting there bodies and not giving things up to anyone who would spend time with them.
I was disappointed last week when most of the little girls at my son's birthday party wore bikinis. I was never allowed to wear them and I don't plan on letting Riley wear them. Why would I want my little girl teasing little boys that way as well as having them think thoughts about her that shouldn't be thought. (I am not naive to think that it won't happen anyway)
I am not perfect but I do try to keep my bum from hanging out of my pants and I do try to make sure my shirts don't expose me when I bend over and all that.
I just don't understand why people want to dress there little girls so grown up they grow up fast enough.
Okay enough of my ranting.

Animals and other things

My kids on the 4th

On the 4th we had a good time going to a parade. It wasn't to far from our house and Brayden thought it was great. It was sunny and hot here but we were able to come home and have a good nap and then we headed down to the riverfront park for some of the festivities put on by Jim's company. We had also been able to take a teathered hot air balloon ride the day before when they did a breakfast for the families at the park. It was so fun. I would like to take one that would take us all over the city. So, we met up with some friends down at the park that LOVE animals. If someone asked me if I knew of an animal lover I would say Michelle. They live in a duplex and have a 9 month old little girl, 3 full grown yellow labs, I don't know how many cats,chickens and frogs. She also has horses but they don't live in the city. So, anyway they had bred one of there dogs and she had 9 puppies. They had 4 left and thought that bringing them to the park on the 4th would be a great way to sell the rest of them. They are 7 weeks and still cute enough to sucker people in.
Okay, now I must interject that we don't have any pets. Jim and I had a cat before the kids but it was weird and we ended up giving her away. But, my mom has been saying how we need a dog for Brayden. I say no. She says what about a cat. Again I say no. I just think the kids are small enough yet and why do we need to have an animal to look after. Now, I am not an animal hater. I just am fine not having the responsibility, cost, smell and just all of it that comes with owning an animal. Besides, my parents live a mile away and have a great dog and cat that we can visit.
Anyway, all this to say that when we got to the park on Wednesday our friends still had 2 dogs left. Yep, your right one of them now lives at our house. And yes he is adorable. He is good. But, now I listen to whining at night. (he is in the garage in a crate) I have to clean up poop and make sure to take him outside regularily and put him in the crate before I leave. Oh yeah and I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old.So, please pray that I get a more positive outlook on this and don't go crazy. Brayden seems to enjoy him (Charlie) but I don't know. Like I told Jim it just came 2 years ealier than I thought it would. I am already finding that my house is starting to smell. And for those of you who know me know I don't like smell or dirtyness inside. Unless it is from my children. Then I can handle it. So, I hope I can toughen up and do this since the men in my house think it is cool.

I know I say it all the time

I know I say all the time how wonderful my life is, how content I am, how happy. And on and on. But tonight Jim and I went through several houses on our cities tour of homes. It is where builders let you go through there new homes. And I came home and just went, wow. I love my home. We liked some of the lay outs. Some were outraggous and what not. But, they all had really dark colors and furniture in them and they were a little to big for me. My house is wonderful. Yes there is still a to do list. Like repaint the bedroom, ours and Braydens. But other than minor things our home is perfect. And it is home. Where the people I love most in the world live.
I will try and get a picture of it tomorrow, now that I have my camera up and running again.

Thoughts

So, I have been thinking the last few days about life. I have a wonderful life. I stay home with my 2 healthy and wonderful kids. I have a husband who loves us and works very hard to provide for us. I have my family close by to offer support and friendship. As well as great friends.
But, I have been thinking and I guess comparing myself and my family with others. I don't feel in a bad way and not thinking myself better by any means. When I look at life and look at the lives of some of my friends I feel sad for them. From what I know and I don't have all the facts. They are working because they choose to. And they have said this to me. I don't know how you can stay home with your kids all the time. I would go crazy.
I just feel sad for them. They are missing out on so much. Life is very short and I think you realize that even more after you have children. But the time I get to spend reading, playing and cuddling with my kids is so precious to me. We don't have much by any means and I am so fine with that. I don't need things. I am not one that would spend lots of money on stuff even if we had lots of it. I like to be home with my family.
I am not knocking woman that work. I understand that some women love there kids but just aren't cut out for being with them all the time and some women have to work. Another things why are people always in a hurry. and why do they want there kids to grow up so fast? I am trying to slow down and just enjoy life.
I just realized this week what I have heard,read and seen a million times. Life is short. And money and things won't bring happiness. I think people need to step away and decide what kind of heritage and legacy they want to leave there kids. I know I want my kids to remember a loving, kind, special mom who did fun things with them and taught them all kinds of things and especially taught them how to love the Lord God with there whole hearts and was never to busy to stop for a hug and kiss nd would not put laundry and dishes before just being there for them.
I will keep you posted on more of my thoughts.

Summertime

There are so many great things about summer. First is the weather. I am a person who gets so excited about each season. They are all my favorites. Some of the things I love are:


A great big bowl of fruit. Summer is a great time for watermelon, strawberries and of course you can't forget ice cream, BBQ's, popsickles, swimming, running through the sprinklers, swinging on our new swing set. The sun is big here in Oregon. The smell of fresh air in the house. Windows open. Potatoe salad, baked beans. Sweet tea. Frappachinos, Iced lattes. Camping, smores. Wow. This list could go on and on. Summer is great.

Oh and don't forget fishing.

It's so hard

I am not a materialistic person by any means. Things don't make me happy. They actually stress me more. I like simple clean lines. I decorate that way and most of our decorations are pictures of special people in our lives. I am also that way in how I dress, makeup and hair.
So, why then as I was getting the boys clothes out of the attic and into the van to take to a consignment store was I feeling sad and depressed? Well, the only thing I could come up with was that my baby isn't a baby anymore. It was sad looking at those tiny little things that were so big on him when he was born. Seeing those blankets that were so soft and that kept him warm. I had to remind myself that I didn't need to save them. There were families out there that needed them and that it was better to share than to store them away and just let them go to waste.
I find it is easier to get rid of his stuff now. I think it is because he is bigger and wears it longer than the baby clothes. I do get teary eyed once again as I pack up Riley's already to small stuff. I just can't believe how fast it goes. Thank you Lord that I am blessed to be able to be with my children instead of having them in daycare. I can't imagine missing a minute.

More Pics

This is of Brayden showing off our pinecone bird feeders we made. Even though they were stolen the next day by some squirrels. They didn't just eat the food, they took all 4 of our pinecones too. We have to figure something new out.

This is my little man winking. He can do it with both eyes and he is just so sweet when he does it.

And of course I couldn't post with out including my far to fast groing baby girl. I can't believe she will be 8 weeks Saturday.
Oh and you know your a mom when you wake up for a feeding and are singing a song from Mickey mouse clubhouse from the day before.

All is well

Other than being busy all is well. I find that my days fly by and before I know it is nap time or bedtime. Jim has been in and out a lot this month with the military. I have found out that we can survive by ourselves. It is not ideal but we do it. I don't know what I would do if Brayden and Riley weren't good kids. Brayden loves to help so that is great. Riley has started sleeping 5 hour stints at night which is wonderful. I have even figured out how to shower with them both and not have to worry about them. We are able to get to bible study and chuch on time. That is a great feeling. The weather has been nice the last couple of days and that is great for Brayden. We go out and he plays and I get to sit and cuddle Riley and all is well. I do have to say that I am quite fortunate. My parents live a mile and a half away so I have a great support system. I even gave Riley a bottle the other day and she took it no problem. So, I was able to go out to dinner with some friends while my mom watched both kids. It was nice but they weren't far from my mind the entire time.