Never Leaving!!

So, I am so tired. I am tired of remodeling. Everything looks beautiful but isn't done yet. Jim is painting like crazy to try and get us in and I am just not feeling like I am helping very much. Our little one is sick and up at night. (found out today he has an ear infection) And so him and I are exhausted and when we get to our house to work he just hangs on me and cries. I feel so torn. I just want to sit at my parents house and hold him and yet feel so guilty for not helping Jim. To top that off we sold my car so I am driving my dads really big old one. (We call it a boat) And we are trying to find a van for me. Yes, we think we have decided to join the ranks of mini-van owners. So, please pray for thankfulness that I have wonderful parents that are allowing us to stay indefinatly and patience that yes everything will get done. Some days I wonder.

Remodeling

So as most of you know we are in the process of remodeling. We are coming to the end and it is all coming together nicely. Jim arrives home tomorrow so we survived yet another deployment (although he was stateside this time just far away) But I have realized once again something about myself. I work very hard and keep a clean house and do a lot in a day, however, I was over at the house tonight and most of the day painting trim. Yep, that is were I become insane. I am a Type A personality. Not to the degree that I can't play with my child or things can't get dirty, but when it comes to painting and yard work. I think the reason that I don't do well with those things is that I can't get them perfect. I hate leaving the yard if there is one weed. I don't like it if the paint isn't perfect, at least if I am the one painting. If Jim is doing it, it is fine to have some parts that aren't quite right. And no I don't go to other peoples homes and pick apart how they painted or any of that. All that to say that once again we have lots of painting to do and I am so thankful that Jim will be home to do it. I am also pregnant and enjoy my sleep and with all these projects am finding it hard to sleep cause I wake up and start making lists of all that has to be done. Then I don't want to nap because there is to much to do. So, Thank you God for husbands that do enjoy this sort of work and are productive at it. And Thank you God for a wonderful husband who will be home tomorrow.

More bad news

Okay so we thought Jim being hurt, me spotting and just having the stress of him being gone and remodeling was enough for one week, but I guess we were wrong. Jim called this morning and was given word that a guy that used to be in our unit and transfered to the C.A. (Civil Affairs) unit in our building was one of the soldiers killed yesterday in the bombing in Kabul. He was a good friend to Jim and they have known each other for awhile. We have many friends over there, Jim more than me, and this was hard for him. He has lost so many friends in this war. But you know what. He is proud to have served and would head back tomorrow if it meant keeping all our friends,family and all people safe from the terrible people who do these acts. I have been incredibly emotional this week just with the flags at the park and all the stuff about 9-11, Please don't forget what our men and women are doing (and are proud to do) over there and at home. They are true heros. Again I say it. Honey, I am so proud of you. You are an amazing man and I am so proud of your dedication to us and to your country. Thank you!!

Scary

I started spotting yesterday. I woke up and was so scared. I don't want anything to happen to this baby. So, first thing in the morning I called the doctor and they said it sounded just fine but if it would make me feel better I could come in and hear the heartbeat. So, off I went. We found it and it seems fine. I haven't spotted since and am feeling fine. So I am praying that that is the last of it and all is well. They said it can be because of an infection so my midwife will check that out for me next week. Poor Jim though he said he was ready to barf waiting to hear from me. He is hurting. His knees are all swollen and sore from all the PT they are doing. I hope he can just get through and then get home where I can take care of him. It is hard when he is so far away.
Brayden is starting to get ornery. I will be glad when Jim is home to help and to wrestle with him. I think he misses the rough play when Jim is away.
We miss you Jim.

Life changes

Do you ever feel like you don't fit in? Like what everyone else is doing isn't what you feel is important?
I felt that today. As you know I am staying with my parents while our house is remodeled. And everyone here has gone back to school. So, today some ladies at church were having a play group and I thought I should take Brayden. Most of my close friends work so it would be good to get together with other stay at home mom's and there kids. Brayden played well and seemed to have fun and it was a nice time but when I am with certain women I feel like I don't fit in. I don't scrapbook like they do, I don't do as much as they do, and that I don't hang out or call people as much as they do. I don't know. I guess it is an insecurity I have. I love being with my child and having a few close friends. I love that my life isn't full of constant goings. (except for lately) I love that family is important to me. I love that my husband loves me enough to work hard so I can stay home. My life is good so very good. And there is so much to be thankful for. So, God why am I so sad today.